Grace

     Grace is when you have “I want to die” carved on your arm and you hear that still, small voice that says, “I already did.” And then tears start streaming down your face because no matter how hard you try to take things into your own hands, you are being cradled in the arms of your Father.  And he sees you. And he knows you. And he loves you more than anything in the world.

     I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I forget that.  Sometimes, I try to control outcomes and predict variables and convince people that I’m “doing ok” when on the inside, I give way to the voices that tell me I’m all alone, that no one cares, that the ugliness I feel on the inside is leaking out and is contaminating everyone around me.

     And sometimes, I’m scared. And I believe that I’m alone in this world. And I think how the world would be a better place without me.  And the words keep piling up and piling up until they come spilling forth in ways I don’t understand.  And then the storm commences. 

     Clouds gather. The winds pick up and the leaves on the trees begin to turn.  Rain begins to pelt my skin and hail falls with unmatched force. It’s kind of like my own, personal hurricane except it’s all on the inside and the most important thing is that it stays that way.

     

     So, I smile. I laugh. I carry on, hearing nothing but the rush of mighty waters, the sound of wind tunnels, and the screams of demons on the brink of Hell.  And I feel the heat. I see the flames- jumping, flashing, and trying to consume one more life.  I hear the lost ones who are among the ones who are void of hope. 

  

     And then, like the eye of the storm, there is that still, small voice.

     

     This is not the voice of condemnation that I have heard before.  It is not the voice of judgment. It is not the voice of loneliness.  It is, in fact, the voice of Grace.  Softly, before I can hear the words, I know that I am not alone.  I am rocking in the arms of a gentle Savior.  I am the one for whom the angels rejoice. 

And even when I know that the rest of the hurricane will come, I am sheltered in the peace of the one who created me in his image and loves me unconditionally.

This, my friend, is grace.